Will I Ever Find Love?
Will I ever find love? Asking that question reveals both a longing for, and a doubt of, the possibilities for romantic love. While the answer you may desire is “yes,” the truer answer is, “it depends.” The “it depends” answer can quickly turn to a yes, if you know where to look. Yet, that does not mean where to look to find a quality date, but where to look to find the source of love. True Love. Lasting love.
At the risk of losing your interest as the reader, this article shares the truth about the struggles of finding love and how to actually overcome them. However, it’s the few courageous ones who will follow the advice here. Those will find love. True love.
Why so few? Because the answers you seek aren’t the ones your mind wants to hear. As a matter of fact, you have probably heard this wisdom before in some form, and ignored it or thought it ridiculous.
The answer to the question, “when will I find love?” has nothing to do with “keeping a positive outlook” or being “just a matter of time.” The answer has everything to do with the question, “are you available for love, true love?” If you aren’t actually available (and many are surprised to find they actually aren’t) then no matter how much effort you put into seeking love, you won’t recognize it when you find it.
If you have the courage, read on… You’ll find the truth about what it actually takes to experience true love – romantically or otherwise. And, then the answer to your question, “Will I ever find love?” will be “Of course!”
Will I ever find true love?
Changing the question from “will I ever find love?” to “will I ever find true love” makes a big difference. As we said, many people think romantic love offers something it never can. That’s where the true part comes in.
Love is not security. It’s not a forever relationship. It’s not marriage. It’s not partnership. Love isn’t “I’ve got your back” either. Although some of that, if not all, will surely happen when love is found.
The unspoken myth of love that so many buy into turns into an implicit agreement that 1) we’ll each show up in a way such that we never push each other’s buttons, 2) we’ll never make each other uncomfortable, 3) you’ll never get hurt, and 4) that we’ll do whatever it takes to make sure we don’t activate each other’s wounding.
Nothing could be further from the truth of soul love.
True love feels safe. True love holds no conditions. True love has patience. True love forgives. True love has boundaries and sovereignty. True love knows no bounds.
Yet all too often in romantic relationships we try to pretzel twist ourselves and each other because we’re afraid of the realness, the rawness, the vulnerability, of true love.
True love starts with you
So the answer to the question, will I ever find true love is “yes,” if you embrace and embody authenticity. If you stop trying to be something you are not. If you give up the people-pleasing habits driven by the fears of not being enough or of losing love. You will find love, true love, when as the old adage goes, when you love yourself.
Take a breath, this is one of the places that people start running from the truth and the possibility of change.
The source of love lives within you. It is not something you can find out there in someone else. It’s not something that magically arises when soulmates meet. True love lives within your heart, within every heart. And when two open, grounded hearts meet, and their souls have a deep resonance, then romantic love can unfold in mysterious and profound ways.
Since love lives, begins, and never ends within you, that implies that in order to change the answer to the question, “Will I ever find love?” from a maybe to a yes, you’ll need to change some habits.
First, you stop trying to be anything you are not. You stop performing and you stop saying yes when the answer is really no. It means you put yourself first. Yes, that is counter to almost everything we’ve been conditioned to believe about romantic love. Yet, only when you honor yourself first can you actually honor another. If you put yourself – your needs, wants and desires at the bottom of the priority list, then no, you won’t find love… true or otherwise. Since love starts within, those in our Soul Love program series start by activating soul love in themselves. Then they can share it soul-to-soul with another, but not before.
Now, so that we can explore even more deeply, let’s break this question of “will I ever find love” into its parts – someone to love and someone to love me.
Will I ever find someone to love?
The answer to this question is an emphatic yes. But the “yes” might not mean what you want it to mean. While you will likely find someone to love romantically, your skill and depth as a romantic lover, depends wholly on your ability to stand true to you, to be genuinely authentic, to hold your boundaries, care for you, and love you.
Yes, you have someone to love right now. You. And the better you do that, the more likely, and more quickly, you will find someone to love romantically. More important than that, when you love you, the fit you attract will be better than you could have thought possible.
When you aren’t rooted in yourself, you will attempt to love another in a way that requires them to behave in specific ways so that you can feel secure. True love means that if they pull away or get distant for a time, you can feel secure in trusting you, your relationship, and your partner. It also means you have a self-assuredness makes the natural ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and coming together and pulling away of romantic love much easier to navigate. When these normal experiences in romantic relationships happen, with true love, they will not send your insecurities into overdrive. You won’t feel compelled to chase your partner or instill the harm of self-abandonment as you desperately, and unnecessarily, fear the strength of the relationship.
So the answer to the question, “Will I find someone to love?” is yes because you have someone to love right now. You.
You also have many many many others to love… from friends and families, to neighbors and even foes.
The quality of our loving as a whole, starting with ourselves, and then continues to family, friends, even colleagues. The quality of that love determines the quality of our romantic loving.
How you love all is how you love one.~Joanna Shakti
If you don’t have tolerance and compassion for you and others, you can’t have it for a beloved.
If you are judgmental of you and others, you will be judgmental of a beloved.
When you don’t have time for you in life, when you consistently set yourself aside for the benefit of others, resentment will follow, and this destroys love, even soul love.
Being available for true love, soul love, means you have to tend to yourself, that you love you. Unless you learn to live – receive as much as give – love, you won’t recognize soul love when you find it, or keep it long after you do.
Will I ever find someone to love me?
Changing the focus from loving someone to being loved, we have to consider what we actually seek when we want someone to love us. Often we think that if someone will just love us it will fill the void, emptiness, or insecurity within us. We might imagine that if we find love then we’ll no longer feel lonely. Quite often when we ask the question, will I ever find someone to love me, it reveals an underlying doubt of our own lovability or worthiness for true love.
Quite often as we wonder, “will I ever find love” we, typically unconsciously, want someone, a beloved, to give us what we are not willing to give ourselves. Yet, unfortunately, if we won’t give ourselves attention, kindness, time, compassion, play, pleasure and the like, we won’t be able to receive it from another either. It might seem like they can give us what we want in the beginning, but the doubts will inevitably win; and our ability to receive will cease. No matter how hard our partner tries, they won’t be able to give us what we don’t feel we deserve.
While we desperately seek that love, we will simultaneously do everything in our power, consciously or unconsciously, to push it away.
Again, the first step on the path of soul love starts with you. As we said, you might not like that answer but a little bit of attention on you, your heart, and your inner saboteur, goes a long way towards awakening and igniting a much deeper love than you’ve even conceived of.
When will I find love?
“When will I find love?” Great question… you will find love as soon as you meet true love in your own heart. Then not only can romantic love come knocking on your door (without you having to chase it down), you will find love surrounds you all the time. You will know a love that breaks your heart open in the most extraordinarily blissful ways. You will know that true love never leaves. True love never dies. And, that you don’t get it from another person. You live it wholly and fully in your own heart and in all its overflowing, you share it with another.
Will I ever find love? Yes. Start with you.
Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all.
You too, are invited…
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.