Women’s Emotions: Conscious and Unconscious Expressions
These powerful amazing sexy, sometimes wild, energies we call women’s emotions can actually terrify the best of us. Most honest men will tell you they’re intimidated by them. Too many women will admit they avoid their own emotions, especially strong ones. Some have been told women’s emotions are too much. Women have been judged for their anger, their tears, their sensitivity, and every emotion in between.
Yet why do we judge them? Why do we run from these incredible expressions of love, intimacy, passion and humanity? What makes her emotions so scary? Why do we shame those who feel deeply?
And, if we’re going to fully explore these powerful sacred forces, then we also need to ask, when are women’s emotions unconsciously expressed?
Let’s dive in…
Before we can explore the conscious and unconscious aspects of feminine emotionality we must first consider how to understand women’s emotions and what makes them so powerful. We can begin by realizing the feminine is like water – fluid, flowing, sometimes wild, sometimes calm and we will find water metaphors common in our exploration of the power of women’s emotions.
The conscious side of women’s emotions
Emotions themselves have an energetic and chemical expression that flows through all human bodies. Our emotions partner with our mind, and its thoughts, to make us feel happy or miserable, depending on our experience and attention.
To fully understand women’s emotions, all emotions for that matter, we must consider masculine and feminine energies within us. Regardless of whether we are predominantly masculine or feminine, emotions arise from the feminine aspect of ourselves. Those beings among us, often but not always women, who embody a more predominantly feminine nature hold the capacity to feel fully. These feminine souls have the gift of showing us all how to feel, how to love. They show us the true beauty of humanity.
Feminine souls who know how to fully feel show us the true beauty of humanity.
If we can get over our fear of these powerful forces within ourselves and our partners, then we have the capacity to witness and know the exquisite innate beauty within the expression of a woman’s emotions. It doesn’t matter if those emotions are more contractive like grief or anger, or more expansive like awe, bliss, and pure joy — she is beautiful. Many masculine men – who are not the target of a woman’s emotions – will find deep beauty, attractiveness, and even sexiness in a woman who can fully surrender to and express her emotions.
Yes, men can find conscious anger quite sexy. Men can find tears deeply moving, compelling to their heart. Masculine beings will move mountains to care for a woman’s emotions… but he can’t rescue her (more to come on that).
A woman who knows how to consciously relate to her emotions never denies them. She feels fully. However, as she feels, her emotions remain within her energetic space – not within her body, but within her own field. She does not simply dump her emotions, especially contractive or what we call negative emotions, on another, hoping they will clean up the mess. Her emotions are never directed at someone. She does not blame another for how she feels.
The unconscious side of women’s emotions (and the impact on men)
Now let’s consider the flip side of her emotions and how they are expressed. Simply put, women’s emotions embraced, honored, and felt become a force for good in the world. Women’s emotions denied, resisted, suppressed, and stuffed become a dangerous force against herself and others. She carries a weapon who’s nature she may not comprehend, until later she sees the walking wounded. She won’t see surface wounds on their bodies, but underneath with close attention to the heart, she’ll find the gashes her unconscious words can leave behind.
Matt Morova, a professor in the Business School at Denver University, said it like this after a talk I gave to his undergraduate students one day, “Women can take someone out with her words.” I stopped in the moment and knew the truth of a man pierced by the emotional arrows launched from the mouth of a woman. He is not alone. I wounded many men myself.
Literally, words fueled by the full force of unconscious feminine emotions can take a masculine man to his knees. When directed towards the man we love, and who loves us, he can feel paralyzed, speechless. Undefended. Eventually broken.
Our man didn’t see the word arrows coming. He didn’t have a chance to protect himself. He’s shot through the heart by the one who he wants to make happy more than anything in the world. Unconscious emotions can feel violent. Yes, violent.
Men must be responsible with their bodies. Women must be responsible with their emotions.
Being even more specific, men are taken out by how women unconsciously express what they feel. Women’s emotions, nor any emotions in and of themselves, are not unconscious. How we express them can be.
Women’s emotions in masculine-feminine relationships
If we’re attracted to the feminine, then we might think the best strategy is to know what triggers women’s emotions in relationship and how we can avoid them. And, since we all know we love it when our partner feels happiness, joy, elation, bliss, what we really want to know is what triggers women’s “negative” emotions?
That’s a simple question and it’s not. Anything, literally anything, can trigger emotions. It can be a look, a sound, a song, a passing comment from a friend or coworker that happened days ago, an insecurity, a need, a missed opportunity, not keeping your word, your love, tiredness, her past. We cannot begin to list all the potential triggers, so the lesson here is to learn how to live with your woman’s emotions and not try to avoid them.
While it is too deep for this forum to fully explore how to handle women’s emotions, upsets, triggers, and why emotions amplify because men and women argue differently, we can say that the first step, whether masculine or feminine, is to begin to understand your own judgments and fears of emotions. Your mind may tell you that you don’t have any, but looking at how you handle upsets – yours and your partner’s – in relationship might show you something different, as those in our Soul Love programs come to realize.
Then, knowing that emotions will come, consciously engaging with them matters. Consciously engaging means for the feminine to learn how to share them with her masculine partner, while still holding them in her own space.
It means the masculine doesn’t allow himself to be a continual dumping ground. Yes, a masculine being can offer a huge gift to his feminine partner, by holding a space while she empties out her emotions and, holding space for women’s emotions is very different from being the target of those emotions or having her expect that you will fix them (aka rescue her from her own experience).
Bonus, a woman who can feel her emotions fully has full access to her sexuality.
A fully emotionally expressed woman is a fully sexually expressed woman.Joanna Shakti
Are women’s emotions too much?
Women’s emotions are never too much when held and expressed consciously. Without a conscious relationship to her own emotions, they can absolutely be too much for another.
When women try to control what they feel, manage it, and keep it in check they walk down a path of unconsciousness. When women’s emotions are repressed and stuffed, when they are not honored and allowed, by men and women, they can turn into weapons of mass destruction. Her emotions become the invisible weapon that destroys all that she cherishes most, including herself. In hindsight it’s hard to see what happened because the artillery can’t be seen with the eye, only felt with the heart.
Women’s emotions, unfelt, ramp up stress in her body, drive her into masculine mode where she goes and goes and goes until she’s exhausted. Stuffed away year after year, she can no longer feel. She goes numb. She loses access to her sensuality and her sexuality. She loses herself. Yes, when a woman does not feel her emotions she loses her sense of identity, her essence.
Then when it comes to her masculine partner, if a woman does not feel her emotions, if she bottles them up and says it’s ok when it’s not okay, she will eventually explode. Rarely does she see it coming, nor does her partner. And, neither of them knows what hit them. Then the collateral damage needs to be cleaned – in her, in him, in their relationship.
It would have taken less time and energy to have been in relationship with her emotions all along.
So no, while it may feel that way, a woman’s emotions are never too much.
When they do feel like too much, she simply needs to find support. She needs to find someone – a friend, a partner, a mentor, a counselor, better yet a community, and better still a combination of these to hold space for her and her feelings. If there is trauma involved, past or present, this is even more important.
Feminine emotions need grounding, but not constraint, by her inner masculine. They need to be held in a space of the masculine that can arise within her, between her and a partner, and beyond her in the world.
She sometimes wants to be rescued from her emotions (When to rescue and when not to)
We can all feel like we are drowning in emotions, our own or someone else’s. We can fear that if we start to feel we’ll never stop. That sense of losing control or losing ourselves in emotions can have the feminine grasp desperately for someone to rescue her. Simultaneously, that sense of drowning can inspire the protector and hero aspects of the masculine. Used consciously this masculine feminine energy dynamic can be supportive and healthy. Used unconsciously, as we described above, any attempt to rescue will do more harm than good.
Even when women’s emotions seem to tell the masculine she wants to be rescued, underneath she often wants to find her own way out. On the other hand, having solid ground to step onto in the midst of an emotional storm can be super helpful. Having a word of sensibility, rightly timed, can stop the swirl of racing thoughts and emotions. Being held as emotions pour through her feminine body, can make her feel safe and allow calmness to arise.
How do we know which approach is best? We don’t, at least not intellectually. When the masculine holds presence with his feminine partner, he’ll begin to feel her flow of energy and develop a sense of her needs and desires. Then he can move slowly, offering himself, but not demanding she receive his support. If she opens to his offering, he can offer a bit more, letting the flood waters calm as she then finds her own ground again.
If the feminine is not careful and conscious, she may think she wants to be rescued when she really doesn’t. In this case, she can’t blame her man for his confusion because while he attempts to rescue her, she can throw lightning bolts at him. It’s like a drowning person who fights their rescuer.
Ultimately, the feminine must rescue herself from her own deepest, freely expressed emotions. She must fully embrace them, swim in and through them, and realize she is safe. She has to know that she is safe with her own emotions before she can be safe with another sharing her emotions – and before they can be safe sharing their emotions with her.
Again, it’s similar to sexuality. In order for the feminine to feel safe sexually with the masculine, he has to know he is a safe space. Then she has to know she is safe to choose him as a safe space. It’s the same emotionally. She has to know that she is a safe space with her own emotions. Then the masculine can sense safety and choose to open his heart, to receive her emotions and feel his own.
A feminine being with full access to her emotions, who knows how to relate to them and express them consciously, holds the most compelling attractiveness we might ever know as human beings.
Emotional consciousness is a tall order. Yet, it’s worth the effort. Embracing emotions – women’s emotions, men’s emotions, all emotions – opens the doorway to the greatest love and intimacy we shall ever know. Our ability to acknowledge and embrace the power of women’s emotions will determine the quality of our love. And, our lovemaking.
For over a decade, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy Retreats to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships – from the emotional intimacy of the heart, to the physical intimacy of the body, and the spiritual intimacy of the soul. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all.
You too, are invited…
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.