Sensual Sex: 10 Practices to Add Sensuality to Your Lovemaking

While it might surprise some, especially masculine beings, sensual sex will be the best sex you’ll ever have. To reap all of its benefits and ecstasies, it does require a true understanding of what actually makes sex sensual combined with a good dose of self-mastery and relationship mastery. The best news is that all of that is easier to come by than you might imagine. 

As we explore sensual lovemaking, we’ll see that how to make sex more sensual varies for masculine and feminine beings and, at the same time, see that it depends wholly on the polarity dynamics ignited through the dance of these two distinct and opposite energies. We’ll define these important considerations and contributions below. 

Cultivating your understanding of what sets the stage for sensual sex while also expanding your ability to allow, experience, and receive all of its pleasures, for both yourself and your partner, may challenge your beliefs, norms, and habits. However, if you’re willing to open and explore a bit, your hearts, minds and bodies just might be blown open in exquisite pleasure. 

Let’s go deeper into this ecstatic experience shared between wise lovers… 

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What is sensual sex?

In order to understand what sensual sex is we must first realize that sexuality and sensuality exist as two very distinct experiences, that when combined have the ability to rouse a truly unique depth and kind of pleasure – a pleassure that some would even consider sacred. 

A true experience of sensuality will unite body and spirit in pleasure. Sensual pleasure while felt deeply in the body will often render the experiencer, and witnesser (if there is one) beyond words. Our greatest experiences as human beings are truly indescribable. We can never quite access the right words to accurately share the sensations, energy, and experience we feel in our bodies, especially when it comes to ecstatic and sensual pleasure.  

Sensuality arises through the full engagement of our senses – the 5 physical senses including sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste, along with the so-called sixth that connects us to that which lies beyond our human forms, sometimes referred to as spirit. The more of our senses we engage and experience simultaneously the greater the pleasure potential. In our understanding of what it means to be sensual we must again recognize that we have the possibility to experience the incredible pleasures of sensuality throughout our lives, not just in the bedroom.

Those, both men and women, who cultivate a relationship with sensuality in themselves and their partner, beyond sexuality, will dramatically improve the depth and quality of their physical connection and intimacy. We can engage sensuality beyond sexuality in a myriad of ways – from delicious food, to the beauty and awe of artistry, to the wonders of nature, to the tastes and smells that invite you to inhale deeply and savor, as well as of course, the power of being touched in a way that makes our skin tingle or sends waves of energy throughout the body. All of this, and more, is sensuality beyond sexuality. 

Sexuality, on the other hand, as we are using the term here, points to the physical interactions of, often, two people who feel a romantic or physical attraction to one another. Sexuality here includes the arousal and the physical interactions and dynamics of those who want to share themselves physically with one another.

Therefore, sensual sex unites our sensual experiences and pleasures with our physical intimacy and its pleasures. Physical or sexual arousal and intimacy activated and amplified by sensual stimulation through any and all the senses simultaneously ignites both sensual and sexual pleasure that when experienced together can take us to realms of intimacy, union, and ecstasy rarely felt, and even more rarely shared. 

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How to make sex more sensual 

So how do you make lovemaking sensual? You begin simply by getting in touch with your connection to (and resistance of) sensuality in life in general. What many quickly discover is that engaging with sensuality means engaging with pleasure. Surprisingly, while we see so many people today chasing physical pleasure, the exploration of sensual pleasure will bring us face to face with all of the judgements we hold against pleasure itself. 

If asked, most people would reply emphatically that they have no pleasure boundaries or upper limits, as we’ll call them. Yet, on closer inner looking and honesty with themselves, they find, like so many in our culture today, the unconscious subtle shaming messages that tell us we shouldn’t really feel good, that pleasure is wrong and even hedonistic at its worst. So many in our programs and retreats find themselves shocked by their own discovery of the subtle shame they feel when deeply cultivating, experiencing, and more importantly indulging pleasure – sensual or otherwise.

If we want to have more sensual lovemaking, we need to make peace with pleasure – great pleasure, deep pleasure, loud pleasure, uncontrolled pleasure. When we allow ourselves to expand our pleasure and sexual comfort zones, incredible sensual sex becomes possible. In that expansion most partners find that their connection, love, and intimacy deepens and strengthens in truly unexpected ways. 

Next, you’ll want to explore how to activate and ignite the senses in lovemaking – from preparation, to foreplay, to after care, and everything in between. 

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10 key ways to have more sensual sex

When you practice these sensual ways of being in life, love, and lovemaking, you’ll find your connection and passion more powerful than ever. 

1. Go slow. As our senses are stimulated, in order to experience all of the available pleasure, we must slow down as we bring our awareness and attention to the experience at hand. Sensual sex is slow and drawn out, not hard and fast. We simply can’t feel nor experience the deepest pleasures in fast mode. Also worth noting, while friction is a sensation, it’s actually not the most pleasureful. As you’ll see in a moment, the sensual is in the subtle.  

2. Be present. Similarly to going slow, in order to feel our pleasure fully we want to make ourselves available and attuned to the subtleties of our experience. One of the ways that sensual sex amplifies and creates indescribable pleasure is by becoming truly aware of how much stimulation you’re actually experiencing all at once. The smell of your beloved’s skin, the feel of their skin on yours, the taste of their body as you bring your lips across it, the sight of their curves and contours that drive you crazy, the sound of their breath in your ear or the soft (or not so soft) sounds of their pleasure. Practice being present to and taking in as much of your experience as possible all at once.  

3. Learn the language of sensations. The more refined your ability to distinguish and recognize sensations the more pleasure you’ll actually become aware of and experience. Building on our previous point, what if you could learn to recognize the subtle pulses and waves of energy that course through the body just under the surface. What if you could feel that in your partner’s body too? What if you could arouse your partner, particularly their sense of sound, by slowly describing all the amazing sensations your physical connection brings you? 

4. Clear your pleasure boundaries. As we said above, as you explore your sensuality and combine it with your sexuality, you will likely find some part of you that starts to wonder if it’s ok to feel this good, if it’s safe to let go and enjoy this much. It is. And many need outside support to fully clear their limiting sensual and sexuality consciousness. However, when they do free themselves from it, they’re amazed by what becomes possible and even “normal” in physical intimacy. 

5. Get sensual in the kitchen. Exploring sensuality with food is one of the easiest ways to understand our personal relationship to pleasure. You’ll be surprised to discover how many people get embarrassed by the thought, let alone the experience, of letting another witness them indulging in the sensual pleasure of eating a food they find delicious. Think especially of juicy fruits that can stimulate many of the senses simultaneously when eaten and genuinely enjoyed. Sweet desserts or even savory delights can be arousing. Play and discover, on your own and together. When you notice a comfort zone see if you can expand it. 

6. Set the lighting. In the bedroom as you prepare for your sensual lovemaking, consider the lighting in the room. Most find dimmer lighting more romantic and sensation stimulating. Some may want to add colors to the lighting to create different feelings and experiences. 

7. Prepare. While sensual lovemaking doesn’t require preparation, because you can always use your own body to ignite the pleasure of all the senses, adding in some environmental support can do wonders to amplify a sensual experience. As you decide how to set your space, you’ll want to consider that the feminine and masculine may have different scents, colors, fabrics, tastes, and sounds that arouse them most. Be sure to consider both what is stimulating and arousing to you and to your partner. Choose music, fabrics, lighting, scents, oils, lotions, and even the foods you bring to bed, intentionally. 

8. Let go. Practice letting go into the pleasure. Sometimes, when several parts of our bodies and many of our senses are stimulated and aroused simultaneously, we can come up against those pleasure limits. When you or your partner encounters one of those edges, take a moment to pause, to breathe, to let your energy body expand. Quite often what seemed like an edge or limit dissolves into a new dimension of pleasure. Letting go, not trying to make anything happen, can often lead to a best ever. 

9. Embrace vulnerability. It may surprise you that allowing ourselves to feel pleasure is actually quite vulnerable. It can feel truly risky, in many ways, especially emotionally. So you, your partner, and your sensual sex life will benefit greatly if you accompany your physical intimacy with emotional intimacy while learning what true vulnerability in relationships and sexuality looks and feels like. 

10. Feel. It sounds simple and obvious, and time and time again we are conditioned in society not to feel – not to feel our emotions, not to feel our desire, not to feel our pleasure. Yet we can’t experience sensual lovemaking without feeling. In partnership, when you allow yourselves to feel together both emotionally and physically you will find yourselves entering a phase of physical loving rooted in the deepest intimacy and the most exquisite sensuality. 

As you apply these practices for sensual sex and lovemaking, you’ll want to be sure to incorporate these sensual experiences and ways of being into your flirting, your foreplay, and even into your day-to-day lives. If you do, you’ll see the flames of passion and desire blaze brighter than ever. 

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The masculine – feminine dynamic in sensuality 

Interestingly, now that we have explored the dynamics and practices of sensual sex, you may or may not be surprised to learn that sensuality, when looked at from a masculine and feminine perspective, falls under the realm of the feminine. We define sensuality as a feminine quality because sensuality means feeling, and feeling – physical sensations and intimate emotions – arises through the openness and flow of our feminine energetic aspect. 

Remember that all beings, men, women, any gender, all have an inner expression of, and relationship between, their own personal masculine and feminine energies. In romantic relationships, regardless of form or type, partners or potential partners find their attractive energy and sexual chemistry through the force of polarity that happens when these equal and opposite energies dance and play between human forms. 

With that in mind, if you want to understand and experience sensuality more deeply, look to your own feminine aspect for wisdom. Or sometimes easier, talk about sensuality with a feminine being. Pick their brain. so to speak, especially the brain of a feminine being you romantically love – to listen and feel into the subtle power of sensual pleasure through her eyes. 

Remember, the feminine loves to feel. As a masculine partner to a feminine being, pay attention to what makes you feel and what makes your feminine partner feel. Find out what sensual pleasures excite her the most. Then combine your pleasures with hers and incorporate as many as possible into your lovemaking space and experience.

Finally, you’ll also want to remember that our experience of sensual pleasure arises in the form of receiving, another characteristic of the feminine. That means in partnerships the feminine partner will often, but not always, hunger for, desire, and be more turned on by sensual sex. As a masculine partner, you have an opportunity to generate and give sensual pleasure to your beloved. In that, if you’re like many masculine beings, her pleasure will become your pleasure. 

Of course, we recommend feeding the and nurturing the sensual side of both partners, which means regularly switching up the giving and receiving roles. 

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As you explore sensuality in your relationship and practice sensual sex and lovemaking, remember to talk to each other. Talk about what’s exciting. Talk about what’s challenging or makes you afraid. Talk especially about what’s most pleasurable for you. This sharing will both build intimacy between you and help you know how to make your sex life even more sensual. Knowing how to talk about sex and pleasure can feel intimidating, scary even, but learning matters.

Finally, we mentioned early on that sensual sex will frequently be “best ever” sex and can for some be a truly sacred experience. This happens because when we slow down and get incredibly present to pleasure – ours and our partner’s – immediately, in the moment, our joy, connection, and love infinitely expand. We experience divine union and all separation fades. Time stops. There is no past and no future, just the exquisite now. In that, we can lose sight of where one being begins and the other ends. 

We will find ourselves in those shared indescribable realms that leave us wondering what just happened, while our hearts and bodies know exactly what happened. Here’s where sacred sexuality and true love meet. 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

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