Conscious Dating

A Definitive Guide to Conscious Dating

Conscious dating prevents heartbreak and resolves most of the biggest challenges that show up in dating relationships. Too many men and women alike have big dreams and desires when it comes to love, yet approach dating with either a laissez-faire come-what-may attitude, or they try so hard to be “the one” that they settle for someone who really isn’t their one. In that settling, still they hope that somehow it will turn out better this time. It rarely does. 

As long as you are anything less than intentional, or in other words, if you’re not truly practicing conscious dating, your odds of a happy heart dwindle, dramatically. The most extraordinary love is anything but perfect. It’s real, it’s raw, it’s messy, but that human vulnerability and honesty sparks the soulful love we seek. A conscious dating approach not only accepts that messy humanness we all have, it embraces it, it honors it. 

That means that conscious dating relies on a foundation of authenticity. Period. End of Story. 

Yet, many, really most, find true authenticity quite difficult when it comes to dating and relationships. We’ll come back to the fundamental aspect of authenticity in a moment and let’s first look more closely at the whole experience of conscious dating. 


What is conscious dating?

Conscious dating starts, first and foremost, with a commitment to authenticity. The choice to be authentic eliminates game-playing, performing, and pretending right from the start. Conscious dating means that you commit to being yourself and trusting that when both people show up as themselves, the relationship will develop into a committed relationship, if it’s meant to. Or it won’t. With a conscious dating approach, no one is ghosted and both people can move on with respect and minimal heartache when they aren’t a match. 

To fully and effectively answer the question, what is conscious dating, we must look in detail at the qualities of a conscious dating connection. 


What are the qualities of conscious dating?

These qualities not only give you an idea of what conscious dating feels like and how to recognize it, they also truly tell you how to date consciously. When you intentionally bring these qualities into your dating life, your experience will begin to look much different and be much more enjoyable.

  • Authenticity: You know who you are and you’re willing to share it. Perfect and imperfect.
  • Honesty: Simply, you tell the truth and you don’t hide the real you.
  • Presence: You’re present with yourself first, which allows you to be authentic. Then you are present to the other.
  • Soulful: You know that two souls are brought together for greater purposes.
  • Relaxation: Because authenticity makes it easier to relax and trust.
  • Respect: With authenticity, we may not always like what we hear, but the truth allows us to make good choices for ourselves and respect when the other person makes good decisions for themselves, even if that means we’re not “chosen.”
  • Self-honoring: We honor our own needs, desires and boundaries, and express them.
  • Curiosity: You want to know about them and their true needs and desires. Then you pay attention and are honest with yourself about whether what you learn is aligned with your soul’s vision for love.
  • Purposeful: We know why we’re dating and what our long term desires are and we share those up front, early on.
  • Kind: If you know the other person isn’t a fit for you, you express that kindly so that they (and you) may move on to find someone they (you) do fit with.
  • Resilient: When we’re authentic and respectful, even when dating doesn’t turn into a relationship, we can honor ourselves and each other and move on more quickly with less heart-ache.

Conscious dating doesn’t require mind-reading. It doesn’t require pretending to be someone or something you are not just so you’ll be liked. Conscious dating rests on each individual choosing to be authentic and genuine, to let themselves be seen as who they truly are and reveal their true reason for dating and their long term relationship goals – right up front. 

The authentic intimacy inherent in conscious dating does NOT require you to make a commitment to each other to be authentic. It requires you to make a commitment to be authentic in your dating interactions, from moment one. 


We must be aware of our reason for dating 

People have many different reasons for dating and when two people who start dating don’t consciously discuss their reasons for dating, the potential for heartache increases exponentially. 

Yet some people don’t want to reveal why they’ve started dating because they fear the other person won’t like their reasoning. This happens frequently when someone has embarked on the adventure of dating because they desire to get married and/or share a family. In this case, they might avoid the deepest authenticity and withhold their long term desire for fear of rejection if the other person doesn’t want what they want. 

Yet, isn’t that the very reason you want to, even must, be authentic about why you have chosen to date?  

If they don’t want what you want, they can’t be your one. 

On the flip side, others, when they are not practicing conscious dating, avoid the “why are you dating?” conversation because they want the very opposite of marriage. Those in this category struggle with dating vs relationship because they don’t want a relationship and they’re afraid the other person might. They may seek casual dating vs dating seriously because they desire only exactly what dating is… social connections. For some that might include “hookups” – social connections for the purpose of sexual connection and pleasure, but nothing more. 

Can you see the problem? 


Conscious dating requires courage and authenticity

If you don’t have the courage to talk about why you are dating, then the one looking for marriage and the one looking to hang out for fun will likely find each other and unnecessary frustration, confusion, and hurt ensue. The pain happens because one or both assumed the other person was dating with similar long term intent. Conscious dating eliminates these misunderstandings because you intentionally talk about your dating goals and desires, even before deciding to go on a first date.  

With a conscious dating approach, you’ll discuss your long term dating goals and say “next” to those who don’t want what you want. If values and visions don’t align, no matter how attractive they are, no matter how good they look on paper, in a profile, the kindest thing you can say, for both of you, is “No, thank you” to a second date, or better yet to a first date. The sooner you can discuss why you are dating, the better. 

Your heart will be served and your chances of creating – co-creating – a conscious relationship go up dramatically when you choose conscious dating from the beginning. As much as you might “pray” this is the one, find the courage to be authentic. Take the risk to be honest with yourself and the other person. You’ll thank yourself for it later. 


Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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