Passionate Lovemaking: What is it and How to have More

By Joanna Shakti / Tantra and Sacred sexuality /

Truly passionate lovemaking happens in deep relationships. However, to be clear, deep relationships don’t just occur between those who have been together a long time. Deep relationships evolve between those that have the capacity and willingness to open not just their hearts, but their whole being to love and loving.

Too many people make the mistake of believing that passionate lovemaking can be experienced primarily as a physical connection and spark. True passionate lovemaking demands much more of you than just your body. That thought might scare some people. You might even quit reading, but your courage to meet the part of you that might unknowingly withdraw from the deepest love and lovemaking could just have you thanking yourself profusely.

The greatest experiences in life require the greatest expressions and involvements of our whole being. If you’re willing, you may discover an ecstasy beyond anything you’ve imagined.

What does passionate mean when it comes to making love

As we explore what passionate lovemaking truly is and how to have more, let’s first answer the question, “what does passionate mean when it comes to making love?” While many immediately associate the word passionate with sexuality, the word’s true meaning has much more depth. We can be passionate about causes, sports, hobbies, crafts and more. When we experience passion, we often feel moved by something beyond ourselves. It can feel like we have an energy within us that we cannot contain, even if we tried. We can get lost in the “zone” of the experience. A timelessness can take over.

When we experience something passionately, we engage fully. Every part of us participates – heart, mind, body, spirit and soul. We feel the experience throughout our whole body and it may stir up a host of emotions. If we’re honest with ourselves and each other, true passion can scare us – in life, in love and in lovemaking. Yet, if we truly allow our passion, we may surrender control and let ourselves be taken over by the experience. This becomes the gateway to ecstasy.

Again let’s note that ecstasy is a word too often connected solely with sexuality. Life itself has the capacity to bring us to an ecstasy much greater than orgasmic bliss (although we certainly can’t deny the exquisiteness of that.)

You might associate the passion in passionate lovemaking with a raw, primal and wild nature and it can have that quality at times. Yet, the truest depth of passion in lovemaking may arise from something much slower, yet infinitely more profound. In this kind of lovemaking we know a penetration of heart, mind, soul and body. When we move our bodies together in this wholly engaged way, our new sense of passion will open us into entirely new realms and dimensions.

Romantic lovemaking vs passionate lovemaking

From a romantic relationship standpoint, whether dating or married or anywhere in between, we will also be served by an understanding of the difference between romantic lovemaking and passionate lovemaking. In contrast to the depths of passions described above, romantic lovemaking doesn’t require the whole union of self and other in order to experience it’s beauty.

You likely already know that you can create experiences of romance without fully opening your whole being to the experience. It’s why romance can sometimes dwindle as a couple moves from dating to relationship. The deeper we move into a romantic, especially soulful, relationship, the more we must meet our fears of intimacy, vulnerability and love. To know the fullness of love and lovemaking we must make more and more of ourselves available to the connection. The call for vulnerability will invite what was once just romance to be something much more intimate. Hence, avoidance of romance can arise.

So while romantic lovemaking may give us beautiful and truly memorable experiences, ask yourself if your heart has always been fully open in those romantic moments. Notice whether your partner, although fully there in body, might not have been fully there in heart, in emotion, in soul.

Lighting, candles, music, ambiance, poetic expressions, and sensual interactions can give us an experience of romantic lovemaking, yet the union only becomes truly passionate when both partners allow themselves to open every part of who they are into the intimate dance.

How passionate lovemaking affects relationship

Does passionate lovemaking, or the absence of it, affect a relationship? Absolutely.

Lasting partnership needs a variety of ways to sustain the union through and beyond the ups and downs of everyday life. The presence and practice of passionate lovemaking will actually help a couple to remain wholly – heart, mind, body, spirit and soul – united in experiences outside the bedroom, experiences as simple as making dinner or a complex as parenting children or discussing a major life change. At the same time, these experiences of union in everyday life make it easier to re-establish that intimate union each time bodies reconnect in lovemaking.

In passionate lovemaking we have a chance, by definition, to lose ourselves into pure union. Yet, if you lose yourself in everyday life, the insidious harm of self-abandonment guarantees that you can’t lose yourself in genuine passionate lovemaking. Those in the Soul Love programs know that unity requires sovereignty and sovereignty ignites unity. In other words, we cannot lose ourselves in life if we want to lose ourselves in the ecstasies of heart and body.

When a couple who pays attention to the indicators of conscious relationship and practices this kind of wholehearted love, does have an upset, which they inevitably will, they can also rest in the knowing that their lovemaking can help bring about a reunion. That reunion does not happen because they stuff the hurt under the rug and forget it in the throes of intense sexuality, but because the energy of their hearts, minds, bodies and souls can speak what words cannot.

To attempt passionate lovemaking as a way to forget and move on will quite often have the opposite effect. It will create more separation between the two. While on the other hand, met in openness, humility, and vulnerability, the power of passionate lovemaking dissolves all separation.

Prerequisites for passionate lovemaking

As you can see, passionate lovemaking calls on all of you. To know the fullness of lovemaking you are called to know and be the fullness of you. You are asked to welcome the fullness of your partner. Then together in your imperfect fullness, allowing all of yourselves to be present as you bring your bodies together, you have the capacity for ecstasy – of orgasm, of love, and of soul.

Because passionate lovemaking demands a wholeheartedness, a true intimacy, and a full self expression, we need to bring several qualities and practices into the intimate relating. These include..

Safety – As much as we must include physical safety in this, it may surprise most to know that a deep emotional safety must also be present. This is the only way that the necessary intimacy and vulnerability can arise in both partners.
Trust – Again, it may surprise you that as much as we might imagine that trust of the other is most important here, the fact is that we must trust ourselves before we can be wholly available in love and lovemaking.
Masculine and feminine understanding – Most lovemaking, whether passionate or not, relies on the polarity differences of masculine and feminine energy. With that being said, masculine and feminine beings have very different needs and styles when it comes to communication, love and sexuality. Take the time to truly understand the energetic differences between you.
Sovereignty – Similar to trust, as we said above, in order to surrender fully into the ecstasy of passionate lovemaking, we must maintain our relationship to ourselves. We must know our needs, desires, boundaries, turn-ons, and turn-offs and be able to express them if we want to open fully to this powerful physical loving.

As you consider these prerequisites, you might find yourself tempted to look over there to see if your partner brings these qualities. Our tendency to look at the other makes it easy to escape looking at ourselves intimately and honestly, considering whether we ourselves bring these qualities to the connection.

You, and your relationship, your lovemaking, will be served best if you develop these qualities and expressions in you and bring them to your relating. Your embodiment and full availability will either inspire the same in your partner or show you that this may not be the one for you. Either way, it starts with your wholeness.

Developing your capacity for passionate lovemaking will have a profound impact on much more than what happens in your bedroom. It’s been said that how we do one thing is how we do everything. Passion leads to the greatest joys we can experience. Passion leads to a life of no regrets. Passion leads to a love beyond measure. And, passionate lovemaking offers us a glimpse of true divine union in human form.

You are invited into your passionate self.

Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all.

You too, are invited…

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.